10 seconds rest in between moves and 30 seconds rest between sets. If you repeat 3x through, this should be less than 15 minutes. Give it a try!
1. Roll up into jump squat, 10-12 reps
2. Bear crawls, 2 forward + 2 back + ONE rep, 10-12 reps
3. Clockwork lunges, 4 with right leg leading and then 4 with left leg leading repeating 3x (12 reps total for each leg)
4. Wide stance sumo squat with slow alternating heel lifts, hold for one minute
Repeat circuit 2-3x through!!
I've had too many people ask... so here you go!
A full guide to what we did in Thailand, and the things I'd recommend.
Planning trips is one of my favorite things in the world, and I spend hours and hours researching the ins-and-outs of it all, but it's become one of my favorite hobbies. I'm the planner, and Bry keeps me company as my right-hand man. He's my favorite travel partner because no matter what happens, he's always happy, always looking for the good, always up for an adventure... and while I argue with the taxi drivers when they try to rip us off, he's the one staying calm. ;)
I'd recommend Thailand to anyone adventurous. It's one of the most beautiful places we've ever been, but you have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone a little bit. And once you experience the "squatting bathrooms" or see people chowing down on a fish head (bones and all), you'll get what I mean.
Here's our trip video below. Watch full screen and music up, if you can. ;)
We'll start at the beginning and I'll keep things brief and to the point. Bry and I flew into Bangkok after stopping in LA and Shanghai, and had just one day to spend there. Our recommendations are below.
1. Damneon Saduak Floating Markets. Get there early, spend 1/2 day there, and try alllll the food. But the pad thai, sticky rice with garlic pork, or coconut ice cream are 10 stars!
2. Tour on the tuk tuks. We hopped onto a tuk tuk for only 40 baht, and they took us around to see the Standing Buddha, Laughing Buddha, Thai Fashion (where Bry got measured for a custom-fit suit and dress shirts for super cheap!... and by the way, it was shipped to us before we even got home and fits perfectly.), and Grand Palace. We loved everything we saw! If you're spending only a short time in Bangkok, I'd recommend getting a tuk tuk to do this type of thing so you can see a lot of sites over a short period of time. The Grand Palace and temples are amazing, but be sure to wear clothing that covers your knees. We bought a long skirt/long pants for $3, and they worked great. The temples in Thailand are gorgeous.
3. Sanctuary of Truth Pattaya. We never got to this place, but I've heard amazing things. Look it up! Such a beautiful sanctuary hand carved from wood!
The only reason we knew of this place was because we were meeting up with two of our good friends here, and her family still lives there. It was fun being able to see her home town and meet her Thai family. Wow, are the people generous!! They are all so humble and kind. We got stares everywhere we went because we were the only "white people" in town, but it was such an incredible experience to be immersed in true, authentic Thai culture.
1. If you do travel out this way, you have to put the Ai Khiao Waterfall on your list of things to see. It was about an hour drive from Nakhon Si Thammarat, but probably one of the most beautiful places we had ever seen. We had so much fun swimming in the pools beneath the waterfall and sliding down the rocks. Bring some bread for the fish- they go CRAZY for it there. They have no fear of humans, that's for sure!
2. Thai Massage. No matter where you go, take advantage of the massages in Thailand! When our feet got tired, we'd just stop by a Thai foot massage place and for $3 we'd get a half hour foot massage to relieve our foot pain. Most amazing thing ever! But if you do feel adventurous and want to try a full Thai massage, be ready to be a little sore. They don't hold back! I laugh just thinking about it. At one point, Bry looked over at me and the lady massaging my back was underneath me with her legs on my back and I was suspended in the air, arched spread eagle. I was laughing hysterically. But afterwards, I felt so much relief throughout my body and it truly felt amazing. She said to me she wanted to follow me to America because she couldn't believe how stiff my back was haha. I wish! #backprobs
We stayed at the Aava Resort and Spa in Kanom, and the only word I can think of to describe that place would be DREAMY. I really wish we would've spent two nights there. The beach was incredible and not crowded at all, they offered free kayak rentals, had a pool overlooking the ocean, the dreamiest cabanas, the ocean was SO warm, and the hotel was all modern and chic. I loved everything about it. If you ever head that way, that hotel is beautiful.
Out of everything we did, this was probably top of the list. One night there was perfect, but I also could've done two. We splurged a little bit on this part of the trip because our first half of the trip was so cheap ($25/night for our hotels!). Every bit of this was worth the splurge for us. After reserving our spot online, we were still a little unsure if everything was going to work out (because the website is a little bit confusing), but all the transfers/taxi services/long-tail boat to the bungalows... everything went so smoothly. The guy that helps run it is actually from California, and so he helped us out a lot through the process.
The coolest part about this whole thing was that not only were the bungalows a total dream, but they cook fresh food for you every day (which was amazing), and we had a private tour guide named "P," who took us everywhere. He led us on a private hike through the jungle, teaching us about sounds we were hearing and different trees/plants along the way. It starting pouring rain, but we kept trekking on, and we were so glad he didn't make us turn around due to the weather. The view from the top of the mountain was amazing even though it was pretty foggy. We had such an incredible time there... kayaking, using the pedal boats, and taking a jungle tour where we spotted about 20 wild monkeys, and some native birds. If you are willing to splurge a little bit, I would do this over a tour of the Phi Phi Islands... this is prettier in my opinion and wayyyyy less "touristy." In fact, many of the people who live in Thailand still don't even know this National Park exists, and have never visited. I'm crossing my fingers it stays this way. I feel like once things get too "touristy," they lose some of their charm. If you are anything like Bry and I, we always treasure the places that are off the tourist path. We'd rather experience more authentic cultural experiences, and we've always been this way. But everyone is different!
Phuket is kind of a party town, and we wished we would've seen Krabi before coming to Phuket (next time!), but we had so much fun living it up in that city. Our first day we crammed in so many fun things, but it was one of the best days of our trip. Everything we did on day one, is below... and yes, we did all of this stuff in ONE DAY. Phew, we were exhausted by the end.
1. We ended up finding a place to ride elephants. I was super worried about this before we left and did a bunch of research on what places were kind to the elephants. You'll have to do some research before you go. When you look at reviews online, you see that many of these places mistreat the elephants, chain them up, beat them with sticks until they obey, and leave many of them with open wounds. I didn't want to ride them if I saw any of this going on.
If you're worried about it like I was, look up some of the elephant sanctuaries in Thailand. Most of those are much better with how they treat the elephants. You can go to bathe and feed them (there's a really great sanctuary in Chiang Mai up north... another city I want to visit one day). But after looking around a little bit, I felt like I found us a good one. I was trying to remember the name of ours, but can't find the pamphlet I thought I saved. I also don't have any pictures of the name of it. Doh! I'm so sorry! But it was about an hour out of Phuket, the elephants were treated well, they had lots of space and greenery to roam in, our guide let us ride him the whole time and never used a stick on him, and the elephants were in good condition. We had a good experience, but with this whole thing being so controversial, you'll have to do the research before you go and see how you feel about it.
Upon coming home, someone let me know that the website called earsasia.org has some valuable information on where to find the best sanctuaries etc. I would look that up before you go! Wish I would've known a bit more about this before we left.
2. Tiger Kingdom: This place is cool, and is really close to where we visited the elephants. It's worth it to get these pictures and to be that close to a tiger. Terrifying at first, but the workers there make you feel safe.
3. Flying Hanuman: Holyyyyy cow, I haven't heard Bry laugh like that for a long time. We had SO much fun ziplining here, and I think much of that was due to our hilarious guides. The ziplines are high in the air, long, and really exhilarating. We would absolutely recommend coming here. And again, really close to Tiger Kingdom. One of our favorite things of the trip for sure!
4. After Tiger Kingdom, we had some time to kill, and so we got a taxi to Patong Beach, and shopped the markets and big mall there. We also found a yummy place for dinner, and stopped for a quick 30 minute foot massage (for $3) because... well.... why not. ;) We had tickets to a show called "Phuket FantaSea" that evening, and so we spent a good deal shopping and bargaining on the main street before. At night, this place is hopping and really fun!
5. Phuket FantaSea: This show was incredible and one I'd recommend. It goes through the history of the Thai culture and has things like acrobats, music, magicians, and elephants that do tricks! We took a tuk tuk there from Patong Beach and closed our night with the show. A lot to cram into one day, but we sure lived it up!
The second day we decided to do a tour of the Phi Phi Islands (the famous ones you see pictures of everywhere). Honestly, it was by far our least favorite thing we did. If you like being around hundreds of tourists and on crowded beaches with everyone taking a million selfies, this tour is for you. We wished we would've stayed at our hotel in Phuket and enjoyed the beach and pool there. It wasn't worth it to go in our opinion. But they do give you a tour of many of the islands (which are beautiful), and you get to snorkel a little bit and jump off the side of the boat. I think something that factored into this experience for us was also that it was pretty stormy and going on the speed boat out to the islands takes about an hour. We were going through huge waves and it made us a little sick. A couple people threw up on the way there (yikes!), and our guide gave us all Dramamine on the way back to help. It made snorkeling hard to enjoy too. The big plus, however, was that we found another way cool couple who happened to live really close to us back home, and it was the best part of our experience!
So you'll have to decide what you want to do, but if it were me, I'd say to actually book a hotel there to get away from the crowds, or skip the guided tours!
^^The picture above on the left is how we felt about our tour haha.
That's it! There are the bare bones of what we did in Thailand. To celebrate my birthday, our fifth anniversary, and Mother's Day that week was such a dream. It was so nice to unplug, be adventurous with the guy I love most, and spend some quality one-on-one time together. But with that being said, it's also good to be home and back to our little babe, Ellie.
Let me know if you have questions- I will try to get to them all! It was a trip we'll never forget and one you should put on your list!
Easiest snack on the planet as long as you'll be around for a couple hours at home... and it's one your kids will love and be able to take wherever they go!
1 1/2 - 2 Honeycrisp apples, or apples of choice
Cinnamon, to taste
1. Heat oven to 200 degrees.
2. Using spiralizer, core apples and leave peel on.
3. Spread out on baking sheet (covered in tin foil) and sprinkle cinnamon over top. Bake for 2 hours, flipping halfway through... or until dry and slightly crispy. Store in a sealed container in the refrigerator. Enjoy!
You know how it goes. January 1st, the gyms are packed. Goals are high, excitement is in the air, and people are itching for a new, clean start. Then May 1st comes around. People are discouraged. 'How did I get off track?' they ask themselves. They are scrambling for the next new diet, asking their friends what the fastest way will be for them to get their "summer bod," and feeling down on themselves for not sticking to their goals.
Do you fall into this category?
If so, don't worry. I'm here to help. It's not too late, and you are NOT a failure. We all get off track every now and again.
My friend shared with me an interesting article from The Wall Street Journal about people who were consistent exercisers and what their secrets were. I chose the top three takeaways from the article and took my own spin on them. I wanted to share these secrets with you so you don't find yourself caught in that rut.
Let me cut to the chase: leave the "all or nothing" mentality behind. Studies show that people who are exercising consistently don't pressure themselves to fit their "exercise" into categories of how long or vigorous they exercise. If only an hour of hard, sweaty exercise at the gym "counts," then you'll never be able to keep up with yourself. You'll get discouraged when you miss that one day during the week. Instead, loosen up those expectations a little bit. Be a little more forgiving and flexible. Remember that most of the "health game" happens in the kitchen... the things you eat. And no matter if you're getting exercise in that day or not, you can always control what food you choose to eat that day. So loosen up your expectations on your exercise.
Today I woke up feeling exhausted, and I knew my body needed something less demanding than heavy weights or too much cardio. So Ellie and I walked a couple miles at the park, and it felt amazing. That was my exercise for today, and you bet I counted it. If you are willing to be a little more flexible on this, you take away the psychological punishment of, "I didn't _______ and so I failed."
Do what you can. Listen to your body. Loosen your expectations. Remember even 15 minutes of HIIT can be especially effective. You've got this!
I hear this all the time. "I wish I loved to run so I could get in some good cardio. But it's torture!!" Here's the bottom line: If you don't love to run, don't do it. There are PLENTY of other ways to get amazing cardio in. Hop on your bike, go for a swim, adventure on a hike, sign up for a basketball league... DO WHAT YOU LOVE. You are way more likely to stay consistent doing something you enjoy, and even mixing things up a little bit to keep your interest.
This comes with two ideas. The first, is to try and exercise at the same time each day. For me, I do much better when I get it done in the morning. For some reason, having it behind me and being able to lead out my day in a good sweat does wonders for me mentally. I also find myself happier and more productive when I begin my day this way. That works for me. But maybe you're a night owl and have to get up early for work... then maybe working out for you may come easier at the close of the day. Choose a time and stick with it. Studies have shown people who exercise consistency at the same time have better chances sticking with their long term goals.
Other studies have shown that having a plan and visual cue to prompt you into exercising, will increase your chances of staying consistent as well. For me, when I lay out my gym clothes by my bed at night, I am way more likely to not press the snooze button. Put a water bottle by your bed, leave a big sign on your mirror reminding you of your goals... start getting into a routine with visual cues. Have a plan and stick to it.
I did this circuit our last night in Thailand, and it was a keeper. Give it a try!
8-12 reps of each move. Repeat 2-3x through
1. Tricep push-up with opposite toe touch
2. V-jumps (jump into shoulder and hold for one second before jumping back into a plank and then jump into opposite shoulder. Repeat.)
3. Plank step-outs
4. Sit-up tucks (lying flat --> sit up --> pulling in one knee)
5. Leg raise flutter kicks
6. V toe-taps
7. Raised side plank with leg lifts
Lunchtime: HERS + MINE (pictures below) It doesn't have to be complicated. She eats what I eat, just a little less. Here are my top tips for teaching your children how to eat healthier.
1. Be the example. It's not just about what you eat but it's also the things you say about yourself that they notice. Choose to set a positive example.
2. Don't label foods as "good" or "bad." Just talk about how healthy foods make you FEEL. Explain how they make you feel good and energized.
3. Take them grocery shopping with you if you can. I know it's hard but it will teach them. Ask them what vegetables they want to eat throughout the week. Let them be involved.
4. Explain to them the reasons WHY we eat healthy food. If kids understand the reasons behind what they're doing, they are more likely to follow your lead.
5. Involve them in cooking at home. Make fun and colorful pictures with your food... be creative and make it fun!
6. Make the same meal for everyone. Maybe you are eating less carbs than the rest of them, or are adjusting slightly, but still be eating the same things. You can always serve yourself less/more or adjust as needed.
7. Eat around the dinner table. Good conversation and good things happen there. I'm a huge believer in family dinner (thanks, Mom 😘).
8. If you have young kids, implement healthier changes now. It will become their "normal." If you have older kids, don't be afraid to start making positive changes. They'll catch on!
9. Don't be afraid to show some tough love. No kid has ever died from not getting dessert after dinner.
10. You can't control what they eat outside your home and that's okay- but you CAN control what food is available in your home and fridge. Make it count!
🍒 I may be the "mean mom" one day for not buying sugar cereals, and I'm okay with that. But I'd much rather be the "cool mom" who's able to play and keep up with them as they grow... because the sidelines are not for me. Put me in, coach. 😉
Here's the drill for today! Find a box, an ottoman, or anything to use as an incline, and get moving!
1. 10-12 box jumps
2. 45 seconds - 1 minute, inclined side plank, right side
3. 8-10 push-up jump-overs
4. 45 seconds- 1 minute, inclined side plank, left side
5. 10-12 toe taps on each side of box
6. 45 seconds- 1 minute, center plank with tricep push-ups every 10 seconds
7. high box jumps... find a staircase and set your high stair... then go for it!
Repeat 2-4x through!
Greetings from Thailand! Traveling and don't have a gym to get your sweat in? No problem!
1. 12 slow squats- hold for 5 seconds at the bottom before coming back up
2. 12 regular squats with weight (my luggage worked perfect for this!)
3. 12 weighted jumping lunges
4. 12 weighted step-ups, each side
5. 12 pistol squats, 6 each side
6. 12 inclined push-ups
7. 12 declines push-ups
8. 12 inclined mountain climbers
9. 12 tricep dip V push-ups
10. 12 raised sit ups (take nice and slow)
Repeat 2-4x through!
1 pound 100% grass-fed ground beef
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 onion, chopped
8 oz. mushrooms, chopped
1 cup baby carrots, chopped
1 28 oz. can tomato puree
2 tsp. Italian seasoning
1 tsp. Redmond season salt
1 - 1 1/2 cups water, depending on thickness
1. In a large skillet, on medium heat, brown the ground beef.
2. Once cooked, add the garlic, onion, mushrooms, and carrots. Stir while onions wilt.
3. Add in tomato puree, seasoning, and water to desired thickness. Let simmer on low for 15-20 minutes.
4. Serve over zoodles (1 spiraled zucchini will add ~20 calories), noodles, or anything you please!
Yields: 8 cups
Serving size: 1 cup
It's been a while since I've had an interview go up for #themomstrongproject, and I'm so excited to share this one with you. Mia is a 16 year-old girl who had an incredible impact on me when I worked for Make A Wish Foundation before nursing school. Her example of selfless love got me through a difficult time. She truly has a heart of gold. I know you'll love her and this story.
Tell me your story and when life began to change for you?
I was eleven years old at the time and was really athletic. I had just tested for my first-degree black belt and was playing in many soccer tournaments on the premier team. I was healthy, in-shape, and had never been very sick before in my life. Everything was good until that spring of 2011. It was then I started feeling flu-like symptoms coming on. I had a big soccer tournament coming up, and after two weeks of fighting this “flu bug,” I decided to go play anyways. During my tournament, my Dad began to notice something different. I seemed more tired and not my usual, energetic self. I came home and my sickness got worse. I stayed on the bathroom floor all day, and even a sip of water would send me throwing up immediately. Everything that went in, came right back out. My body was rejecting everything.
In my family, whenever one of us is sick, it’s kind of that “tuck your chin and get through it” mentality, where you just sleep by the toilet and pull through it. But this was getting so bad, we started thinking maybe I needed to get to the hospital where they could keep me hydrated better.
We ended up in the InstaCare, and they poked me nine times to try to get an IV started. I was so dehydrated, they were unable to get an IV in, and sent me directly to Primary Children’s Hospital ER where they immediately got one in. At this point I was in and out of consciousness. They started fluids, got some lab work, and decided to do an ECHO, which is basically an ultrasound for your heart. They checked my heart and realized I was shockingly in heart failure. What? Heart failure? It came to us completely as surprise. I had just been playing soccer the week before. How was I in heart failure?
They decided to do a quick procedure to try and get the heart to start pumping correctly again, and kept me overnight in the CICU. Still intubated the next day I went into cardiac arrest. My Mom and Dad were downstairs in the cafeteria when one of the attending doctors came running in, tears in his eyes, and said you need to come now. My dad stood outside the room watching and I know they had to have security come to help him, because he was having a really hard time. The doctors and nurses performed over 50 minutes of CPR.
A surgeon who just happens to be the father of one of my classmates was off that day but called in from home to help with the emergency. When he got there he saw my mom sitting near my room crying. He said, “What are you doing here?” My mom told him, “It’s Mia.” My mom said the look on his face when he ran into that room was filled with concern. They both knew what he needed to do to save my life.
I was put on ECMO, or extracorporeal life support. ECMO is designed to provide temporary support when other forms of conventional life support fail. It’s a machine that mechanically supports someone’s circulation and gas exchange, normally performed by the heart and lungs, thus giving those organs a chance to rest and recuperate. Usually patients don’t stay on it longer than a week. It’s strange because I don’t recollect anything from that time, except for tiny snippets of things: flashbulb memories. These flashbulb memories only last about 30 seconds, but they’re really vivid... like the smell of certain things, or some noises. But for most of this, I have no recollection.
The team, including my parents, decided that week that a heart transplant was the only chance for my survival. They didn’t know if I was brain-dead or not, and before I was able to qualify for the heart transplant list, they had a team come in to analyze and verify to see if I was a good candidate for a transplant or not. My dad always tells me this story... He says the team had come in to assess me and had asked me to squeeze their hand, but I never responded. They’d say, “Mia, can you squeeze my hand?” and I just lay there. My Dad was in the corner of the room watching in disbelief, and he knew this was something important for them to see. As the team was heading out the door, my Dad came up to my bedside and yelled in my ear, “Mia, squeeze my hand right now! This is your father. You need to squeeze my hand right now!” Apparently, I had opened my eyes, just for a split second, enough to connect with my Dad, and my hand squeezed his. This interaction was just enough to convince the team I was eligible for a transplant.
My doctors fought for me to be put at the top of the list. I received a heart in just three days, which in itself is a miracle: June 5, 2011. Normally, I know this process takes months to years for most people, and so I felt really lucky. Because my lungs were full of fluid and my kidneys were failing, they kept me intubated for a period of time not being able to move from my bed. I lost about 55-75% of my muscle mass. My thighs and my calves were smaller than my knees, and I couldn’t walk or move without help. I had been intubated for so long, I had to relearn how to talk and reuse my voice to project. I had to relearn how to swallow and eat. I had to relearn how to write.
After about two months, things started picking up, and going smoothly. I haven’t had a single problem since being fully recovered after my transplant. I haven’t even had to stay in the hospital since, which will be 6 years this June. I feel really lucky. Most all of my friends who were with me during that time in the hospital getting their heart transplants, have had problems with rejection or they’ve needed a lot of interventions after their transplants. My heart has been amazing. It’s incredible.
At eleven years old did you fully comprehend the seriousness of having a heart transplant?
I specifically remember waking up right after my transplant. I woke up intubated and couldn’t talk. I remember looking over and seeing my dad sitting next to me. He
smiled at me and said, “Do you know where you are?’ I shook my head no. He said, “You’re in the hospital.” I felt confused and almost numb. He told me I had received a heart transplant, and I still didn’t quite understand what that meant. I was confused at how I had gone from playing soccer to being in a hospital bed. I saw all the tubes sticking out of me, not being able to talk, and thinking, Where am I? Who am I? I had a hard time remembering who I was. He asked me, “Are you angry?” I remember nodding yes and thinking, Yes, I am very angry. I was stuck, I couldn’t move, I didn’t know where I was, or how long I had been there. It was all very bizarre.
How did your parents cope with everything that had happened?
My parents were really tough through it all. But I know it was really hard for them too. Both my mom and dad lost a bunch of weight, and I knew they were scared. But I think it also taught them to live in the moment.
How did you cope?
For a long time, I kind of milked the “why me” card. I was angry. I didn’t understand why that had to happen to me. I felt like I didn’t deserve having to go through that; having to learn how to walk again, when soccer had been my life before. It just wasn’t who I was supposed to be. For a long time, I would just cry. I kept thinking it was a mistake. It just wasn’t who I was.
I don’t think I was really able to overcome those feelings and move on, until I was able to walk again. It was when I walked again that I felt something different. Something like, I can do this. When I was crippled and totally incapable, I felt pathetic, hopeless, and dirty. Everything felt wrong. Once I had control of some of those things again, I had a chance to rethink everything through. After that switch happened, I became super observant and open. I became willing and wanting to live each day the most that I could.
Tell me about your donor?
My donor’s name was Mikey. Mikey was seven when he got hit by a truck crossing the road. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how grateful I am to him. He has a super strong heart. He’s like my little soldier in there, beating for me; my guardian angel.
Tell me about when you got referred to Make-A-Wish Foundation?
They contacted me soon after I had been released from the hospital, and I got the coolest invitation in the mail. It was this beautiful, fold-out invitation with a huge swan on the front, and a gold key inside. I was invited to come to the “Wishing House” and submit my wish to “The Wishing Wizard.” Make-A-Wish Foundation is a nonprofit organization that grants wishes to children ages 2-18 years old with a
life-threatening illness. Each child has a chance to make a wish, or something they’ve dreamt about. They can choose to go somewhere, to meet someone, to have something, or to be something. I came to the Wishing House and had the opportunity to think about and make my wish. I kept thinking, What could I possibly wish for? It was such a big opportunity, and I couldn’t think of something that could live up to it. I thought, Maybe it would be cool to go to the Olympics? But it didn’t seem quite right. I ended up choosing to “be a marine biologist” because it was something I was really excited about at the time.
One night I was thinking everything over. I was thinking about my wish, and also about my donor family. I had this realization that I wanted to give them something. I know that no matter what I give to them in this lifetime, it will never be equivalent to what they gave me. But every little thing that I can do, and can give them, feels really nice inside; because anything feels like something.
After thinking it over, I knew what I wanted my wish to be. We called the Make-A-Wish office and told them we’d like to change my wish. I told them I wanted to give my wish away to Mikey’s family who gave me my heart. They had given me the opportunity to live and create more amazing memories, so I want to give them an opportunity to make some good memories too.
Mikey’s family ended up going to Disney World and having a really good time. I knew I was doing the right thing, and it ultimately came down to knowing that they were happy. This experience made me so aware of people and it has helped me connect with others who are going through something difficult.
What are you involved with now?
After my transplant, I continued to do martial arts for a few more years and got my second-degree black belt. I stopped playing soccer but started to dance. I truly rebuilt myself through dance and through Soo Bahk Do, a self-defense form of martial arts. Soo Bahk really taught me how to be strong, emotionally and physically. The community that came with it was incredible and they gave me nothing but so much love. My teacher Brian Corrales really helped me rebuild myself. He gave me a lot of tough love, even when I didn’t want to go anymore. There were a lot of times when I wanted to just lay down and accept that I was going to be crippled for the rest of my life, he always made me get back up. Even if I would yell and scream at him, he would tell me to keep going. I got so much stronger through Soo Bahk, physically and emotionally, but dance helped me grow as a person in all different ways. It allowed me to grow to be who I am now.
Contemporary and modern dance is my love. It’s like a life to me. Right now I am a part of Virginia Tanner’s “Tipping Point,” and that community is so supportive to me. They are truly my best friends and those teachers have followed me all the way through my ups and downs. For the last year or two, I’ve been focusing on growing as a dancer and I’ve actually just committed to the University of Utah’s dance program.
I am also pretty interested in going into movement therapy. I know how much my physical therapists helped me. Physical therapy isn’t just physical, but it’s also really emotional. When you have the ability to help someone physically and emotionally at the same time, it can be extremely impactful. Physical therapy could be anything... from Soo Bahk to typical therapy. But what I know is that by going through the physical pain, is where I grew emotionally as a person.
What do you feel like it means to be a woman of strength?
It was when I was most frustrated that I decided I was not going to have my transplant define me. If I would’ve just sat around and said, “Poor me,” and hung my head, then I would’ve allowed this thing that has happened to me, define who I was. But my transplant doesn’t define me. It doesn’t define who I am. There are so many other things that define me.
A strong woman, to me, is a woman who wakes up every morning with the intent to find her best self; to grow and to find her creativity, while enduring and persevering and knowing that the bad things that happen to her, don’t define her. Being strong means accepting what happens to you: living with it, coping with it, taking it in, learning how to live with it, and then releasing it and moving on. And while you’re taking in all these bad things that might be happening to you, you’re also taking in all these good things. You’re choosing to take priority in the good things, but you’re still accepting the bad. Because if you don’t accept the bad things, you can’t possibly grow in any way. A strong woman accepts the bad, while choosing the good. She gives the most she can to life. To me, that would define a strong woman.
Mia, thank you, for being a strong woman and for impacting my life in a beautiful way. I’m also grateful for that heart that beats inside you. Keep shining your light.
A note from Mia’s mother, Heidi:
This time in our life is and was very hard to comprehend, explain, and it’s still difficult to talk about. The ‘why us?’ or ‘why her?’ questions went through my head, while at the same time the ‘why does my daughter get to live and another child have to die?’ question will always be there. These are questions I will never have answers to, and I chose to only let them stay with me for a very short time. Having something like this happen to your child really makes you see things in life differently. The things you thought were a really “big deal” become trivial. The things I once thought were so important or created value, are not the same. I have a different perspective on life than I did before. Each day is a gift! I spend my days trying to create value and focus. We try to live each day in the present; individually, and as a family. This year will be 6 years post-transplant for Mia, and we are actually traveling this coming May as a family to meet Mikey’s mother, father, and siblings for the first time. I am excited for them to hear his little heart beating so strong in my daughter’s chest. The gift of life is the ultimate gift and we should live each day trying to honor that.
My heart is feeling both broken and full at the same time tonight, and I'm having trouble spitting out the words. But I'm going to try.
I'll never forget the moment I knew I wanted to be a nurse. I wasn't like the other students in my class. I had classmates who told me they knew from the time they were a little girl they wanted to be in scrubs with a stethoscope around their neck. When I was little, I wanted to be two things: an author, and the fastest woman in the world. I had never once considered something in the medical field. And getting to college and beginning as a graphic design major, my eyes were still far from looking down that road. After switching my major a few more times than the average student, all I knew was that my interests were all over the map. But one thing led to the next.
I began volunteering for Primary Children's Hospital as a music volunteer. Each Sunday after church, I carried my guitar up to the third floor and sat at the piano to play. I'd switch between the keys and my strings, playing some of my favorite tunes. When I felt a titch of extra bravery, I'd sing. It was the occasional passerby who would sit to listen. As I flooded the third floor with music each week, I kept seeing other volunteers wearing red shirts, and I began to look into other ways I could volunteer my time there. The place seemed to intrigue me and I felt something special there. It was different from other hospitals I had been to.
Before I knew it, I had joined the "red-shirts" and I found myself in the playroom with patients on Wednesday mornings: putting on "hospital-wide B-I-N-G-O", delivering prizes to their rooms, and getting some one-on-one time with the kids who walked their IV poles to the playroom for crafts and games.
There was one particular morning when I really didn't feel like being there. I felt sluggish and tired. I had sleep to catch up on, homework had been piling up, and I didn't feel like I was interacting with anyone or making a difference that day. I dragged my feet the whole six flights of stairs, and felt the weight of all the books in my backpack that needed attention. It had only been a few minutes, when my supervisor got a call from a nurse in the PICU. She asked if there was "anyone who happened to play the guitar in the playroom, who could come play for a patient." My eyes lit up as I told her I played. I said I'd be right down. I hurried and grabbed the capo out of my backpack in the office, and made my way to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. When the double doors opened, I was surprised to see so many rooms; most with curtains drawn, and others wide open where I could see the patients surrounded by their families behind the glass; most faces looked sad and worried, and a few seemed to be doing okay. I gripped my guitar as I reached the end of the hall. That's when I entered her room. And that's when I saw something unexpected.
Still to this day, I don't know anything about this girl or what had happened to her, but she was violently shaking in the bed, almost seizure-like. Her small body shook from head to toe, her mouth hung wide open with drool on the pillow next to her, and her eyes were fixated on the ceiling. My eyes connected quickly with her mother, who kindly pulled up a stool for me to sit on next to the bed. In a sullen tone she told me, "Thank you for coming. She hasn't stopped shaking since she's been here, but she loves the guitar more than anything in this world. Could you play?"
I sat on the squeaky stool and strapped the capo on, while taking a deep breath. I was nervous. I didn't know what I would sing, but there was one song in particular that came to me almost instantly: "I Think of You." It was a song written by Sophie Rose Barton, a beautiful 17 year-old girl my younger brother's age who had tragically passed away the year before, in high school. I had learned it after her passing and knew it by memory.
The second I began to strum and sing, a calming wave swept over her shaking frame and she went entirely still. And through my tears that came in response, I knew she could hear me. She was listening. I could hear her mother crying from the opposite corner of the room, and I kept singing.
I don't know if it was just coincidence or not, but I left that room knowing I had to be there that day, for that patient. And as I walked away, I knew my heart was telling me it wasn't just that girl who I needed to be there for. There were other kids who needed me there. They needed me the same way she did. And nursing school was going to get me there.
_________________
Let me tell you about what it means to be a nurse, and certain experiences I have had while having to earn/wear that badge.
I will never forget the time I watched a doctor stand at the edge of a bed and tell a family that their child had a new and terminal diagnosis; the sight of their hands tightened each other's grip and eyes falling to the floor. I really hope they felt the weight and love of my hug that afternoon, as I whispered "I'm so sorry," into that mother's ear. I meant it.
I will never forget watching an adult woman finish throwing up on the cold bathroom floor of her dimly-lit room after receiving chemotherapy, and grasping the sink as she stared into the mirror. "Who could love me, looking like this?" she had whispered. I was there. And I loved her.
I will never forget sitting with a young women who had attempted to jump off the 3rd story of a building and to her dismay, had survived. Through the only eye she had left, she looked at me and said, "Why would anyone care?" to which I responded, "Because you're worth it." Because she was.
I will never forget the homeless teenager I had cared for all day: his worn-out clothes and only pair of rugged shoes stuffed in a "belongings bag" in the corner of his room. He was brought in by a man who found him nearly unconscious and sick beneath a bridge. I had sat at the edge of his bed with all the love I could muster, and watched him scarf down all the food I brought to his bedside table. I listened to his worries and fears, and learned of his deep devotion and love to his family, who remained on the streets. I'll never forget the scared look in his eyes as the policeman entered his room putting his wrists in handcuffs. Even though I knew he had been wanted by the police and would be receiving more help, I couldn't help but close the bathroom door behind me and cry into my hands. I believed in him. I prayed for him. I still pray for him.
I will never forget the day I witnessed CPR on a young child for the first time. I watched the young mother crumble down the wall in shock. Could this be her child who was sitting in the car with her just moments before? That mother walked out her door that morning holding two pairs of hands, and left the hospital that day empty-handed. She lost both her beautiful girls in the accident. I cried like a baby the entire drive home. I was there. And oh how I wished I could've better expressed my love for her.
I will never forget the baby who had been neglected and abused. We all took turns holding him at the nurses station throughout the night. As I rocked him and stroked his forehead with my finger, I will never forget the smile on his face. I've never seen a new baby smile as much as this one, and I wondered if it's because it was the only love he had ever felt from someone so far. I snuck a kiss on his tiny forehead when I tucked him back into bed before I left. And now I wonder about him, and how he's doing. Is someone loving him the way he should be loved?
I will never forget the mother with twins, who lost one unexpectedly in the morning from a life-threatening respiratory virus. I was the nurse who took care of the twin who had survived, that afternoon. As I sat there listening to the child's breaths, the mother sat across from me with tear-stained cheeks. She closed her eyes and whispered, "How did this happen? We were just watching Frozen last night together as a family. I don't understand." I usually have the right words to say. But in that moment, I didn't. Instead, I buried her head in my shoulder and we both shared our tears together.
Those are moments you never forget.
Some say angels walk those halls. And I believe them.
____________________
As a nurse, you have this sacred opportunity to take a step into one's most vulnerable moment; and almost share it with them in a way. It's something I can't adequately describe in writing, but it's the most beautiful thing I've ever been able to take part of. It softened every piece of my heart, it sanded any rough edges of judgement I used to have, and it has been an integral part of who I have become and what kind of person I always hope to be.
Today was my last day working as a nurse at Primary Children's Hospital. I took a moment to walk through the building toward the end of my shift, and take it all in. So many memories there. I've loved my time as a nurse in the hospital, but I'm leaving it to chase some other dreams for a bit... dreams that involve you and this community here. Leaving something that has shaped and challenged me in every way, has been more difficult than I imagined. I've truly spent countless hours, not to mention 6 years of college at the University of Utah, to achieve that dream of becoming a registered nurse. I'm forever grateful for my degree. I will always keep up my certification, so I can hop right back in if I need to. And there will probably come a time later on in life when I'll go back. But for now, I'm taking some steps in another direction and hoping for the best. I want to thank all of YOU for your support in this big decision, and for believing in me to continue to do what I love most... and that's to be here with YOU, teaching, encouraging, motivating, and adventuring.
To close this note to nurses, let me stand by you and wrap my heart around you.
Thank you.
Thank you for working those long shifts, even when your legs ache and your eyes are bone-dry. Thank you for patience, for your concern, for your willingness to fight for what is right and good in the world, for your love, your knowledge, and your courage.
You are the heartbeat of healthcare.
And just when you know each patient you come across needs you in order to heal, what you'll actually come to realize is that you, in fact, needed them too.
All my love to nurses everywhere.
This is a draft.
It's unfinished, yet it feels best this way.
Maybe because we're still in the first chapters to our story...
This year, I'm trying hard to allow more vulnerability into my life; to face it head on, to not be afraid of it... to show it, and share it. Vulnerability is what makes us human. It's what we have in common. It connects us to each other. So I'm taking a deep breath while I hit "submit," and here's to hoping some of my words might just leap off the screen and wrap you up in a warm hug.
Below is my journal entry and a drafted post from six months ago. And although these words have taken home in my "draft box" for a long while... I felt impressed to share them today. After this past week was National Infertility Awareness week, I'm feeling like they need to be read by someone other than myself.
So, here they are.
_________________
Journal entry from November 2016:
"My heavy eyelids and tired body need more sleep, but my heart yearns to write this morning while I have some peace and quiet. It's 6:00 am. The house is dark, and my soul is craving the written word, in fear I may forget my deepest feelings if I don't write them down. I have something to write about, because I have something to feel about. And for some odd reason, the feeling of my pencil to paper brings some relief, knowing I can finally release and let go.
Bry and I started trying for another baby earlier this fall. We felt it was time again. In October, I missed my period, and was feeling signs of pregnancy: mostly morning nausea, some headaches, sore boobs, and the feeling of a "bloated" tummy. I secretly got excited inside. We didn't have a pregnancy test at home, my periods have sometimes been irregular anyway, and so I thought... I won't check for now. If I miss it again next month, I'll take a pregnancy test then and surprise Bry.
[Note: I know it sounds weird, but I'm the kind of person who would be okay with finding out eight weeks down the pregnancy road that I was expecting, rather than earlier. I think because that's what we did with Ellie, and it helped that first trimester pass by a little more quickly. Ignorance is sometimes bliss, right? So I decided to put it off, (at least until I went to the store and remembered to buy a test).]
It happened right before Thanksgiving. I started to bleed. At first, I didn't think much of it. My thoughts were, Hmm, that's strange. Maybe I wasn't pregnant after all. Here comes and goes another period.
Well, that's what I thought had happened.
Twelve days later; still bleeding. I remember coming home from the gym one day and asking Bry if he'd watch Ellie through his first work meeting because I literally couldn't get myself to stay awake. I fell asleep flat on my face, with all my exercise clothes on and woke up again around 10:30. (Not usual for me.)
Fourteen days, fifteen days pass by and I was still bleeding heavy, starting to pass clots, and having terrible lower back pain. At this point, I knew something was off. Something was wrong. Either I was miscarrying, or something was terribly wrong inside of me. The thought of both made me nervous. It was the week before Thanksgiving, and I dialed the number for my OB/GYN. A nurse answered the phone. After explaining to her my symptoms, she told me I needed to take a pregnancy test. She explained it would still show positive if I were pregnant, and if I was miscarrying. She also told me if the bleeding didn't stop after three weeks, to call back and come into the office to be seen.
I walked to my bathroom alone. I wanted to be alone, just in case. Bry was busily on the phone for a work meeting, and I unwrapped a test, peeing on the stick and sitting back to watch. One line: blue. The other line... blue. Two blue lines.
The news sunk deep. I was miscarrying.
I was pregnant and now I was miscarrying. I was losing our little angel. The thought pierced my heart. It was strange finding out both things at the same time: that we were in fact pregnant, but that we were also miscarrying. I walked slowly to the office, showed Bry the pregnancy test and turned around to collapse on our bed. Bry hurried to end his phone call and came in to pick me up. I buried my face in his chest to cry. He rubbed the back of my hair - "I'm so sorry, honey."
We were only around six weeks along at the point, but I didn't expect the emptiness that followed. Or the feelings of sadness. Or the feelings of envy I tried not to allow myself to feel. The next week was a sad week. I kept seeing babies everywhere: with friends, at the grocery store, new baby announcements being posted... I didn't think I'd feel any sort of jealousy for that type of thing, but unfortunately it came, even when I tried my hardest to push it away.
Besides all the emotion, there was the physical reminder. I was still bleeding. And every time I went to the bathroom, and passed yet another clot, I was reminded once again of our little angel, whoever they would've been. Would they have been a boy or girl? What would they have looked like? Who would they have become? All the doubtful, harsh questions that followed: Why couldn't my body carry this baby? I'm living so healthy, why did this happen? Will I be able to ever get pregnant again?
It helped to not be far enough along yet to hear the heartbeat. Oh, how my heart wants to reach out to anyone who has heard a heartbeat, and then lost their little angel. It helps to have a loving husband who wraps his arms around me every time the tears come. How my heart aches for anyone who has to go through pain alone. It helps to have our little babe already here, who I cherish and squeeze with all my might. How my heart aches for those who are trying and trying for their first. It's not easy. Any of it.
I feel extremely blessed to have our little Ellie, and I don't want to ever take that for granted. That has helped me immensely, but there's still an empty space in my heart. It's a hole that nothing can really fill. It's the type of hole that sometimes dwells best in silence. And that's the stupid thing about it really. A miscarriage isn't the type of thing you go around telling people, or wearing on your sleeve. Or is it? Sometimes I don't know how to act or treat this situation. Is it something we should be telling people? I wasn't sure at first. But as I've shared it with the family and close friends... some of that pain has been lifted.
Today we're choosing to move on. Today we're strong. And today we're praying once again for another angel to come soon."
___________________________
It's been a while since all of that happened, but I thought of it all again today. The feelings came back fresh and deep and open. It's the reason I have decided to share here. Not for pity. Not so anyone will feel bad for us. But only to let someone else out there know they're not alone, if this is something they're facing too. I know what it feels like to keep trying and to start my period again and again while the tears fall. I know how it feels to want something so much, yet to pray for patience. I know what it feels like to get your hopes up, only to feel let down once again. And to those who are experiencing a similar struggle, I'm with you. Sometimes the knowledge that we're not alone, is the strength we need to pull us through.
For those of you who have miscarried or who are struggling with infertility:
My heart aches with you. It's okay to hurt about it. It's what makes you human. And my arm is around your shoulder. We are on this raw and delicate motherhood journey together. I pray for you, I pray with you, and yearn for another one someday too.
We can't give up.
For now, I will keep loving my living angels. Keep kissing. Keep snuggling. Keep holding those hands with all the love I can muster. I'm so lucky and grateful to have my Bry and my Ellie. And we're not giving up any time soon.
I know heaven holds our angels safe.